he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
