there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize