If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize