She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
