he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
