Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
