This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
