Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
