I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
