I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
