he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
