I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
