Are we in a gay sports bar?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
