I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
