I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
