remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
