i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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