I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just high enough for therapy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
