dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
