shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize