i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
