He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
