tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
