i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
