nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
