Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
