Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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