and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
God, I missed his penis.
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