dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize