I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
