sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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