maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize