Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
