The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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