Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
