i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
People in love make me want to vomit
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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