bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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