Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
