she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Non-Jews are for practice
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
