Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
