I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
