Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
