i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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