This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
