Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my shit smells like andre
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
