Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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