when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
