I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dicks are not precious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
