Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
