Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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