I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
