So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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