Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
