my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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