love makes seman taste better
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize