it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
