I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
