So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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