Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
