i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
