Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
