Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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