My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
