you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We got so high we made milksteak
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
