When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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