I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
