i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
