why didn't you poke me back
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ttyl tear gas
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
