I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
