Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
