Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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