She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
