Don't you send me to vm
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
