im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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