I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
